God has been stirring in my heart over the past several weeks and the Tipping Point (great book) was a friend of mine torpedo-ing his life. I say the Tipping Point (great book BTW by Malcolm Gladwell) because God has been working on this in me for a while now, but seeing a friend lose everything in a blink of an eye made it very real and God used it to knock me off center.

One of the “ah-ha’s” from my friend’s situation was me concluding that nobody was close enough to him to identify the signs that led to his very public failure. There wasn’t anyone with enough relational capital to get in his chili about the condition of his heart and what he was doing to stay out of the deep weeds. I concluded this because I’m confident that had a person like that existed, things would be different for my friend.

That conclusion sparked another rabbit trail centered around the analogy of war. I had just finished watching Band of Brothers for the tenth time and that provided the visuals God needed to bring some very important points home to me:

1. No war is won by an individual – it takes a team. Not just any team, but a well-trained, strongly led, close-knit group of soldiers with a common mission and like minded strategies.
2. Success is a result of solid preparation, great execution and fanatical perseverance. The soldiers of Easy Company that jumped in behind enemy lines on D-Day (from the series) had all of the ingredients to play a critical role in winning World War II. They trained tirelessly, kept their heads in the heat of battle and dug in like ticks when they absolutely had to hold that line.
3. There’s a time to play it smart and a time to get crazy. Taking undue risks usually meant trouble for those soldiers except when it was the last thing the enemy expected. Wisdom is knowing the difference and that comes from great leadership.
4. We need men around us that would weep if we died. One of the things that can’t be calculated tactically is the extent we would fight for those we love. The war produced a bond that was both unexpected and surprisingly strong. When that bond was threatened, logic faded, raw emotion took over and survival became the sole focus. And when survival didn’t happen, their hearts broke and were never the same.

I started trying to take an inventory of my own life against these principles and I found myself sorely lacking in every one of them – and that scared me.

• I don’t feel like I’m on any teams that both believe victory is possible and have a consensus about how it can be achieved.
• I don’t feel like I’m prepared or execute very well and at the first sign of resistance, I crumble like a Christmas cookie wondering where my fallback position is.
• I play it smart when I should be charging the hill and I charge the hill when I should be playing it smart. Sounds like Paul’s famous passage in Romans 9:15.
• I also don’t think there is any man who would miss me so much that tears would be the result of my passing.

This is very sad to me and not how I wanted it to be at 37 years old. And God tells me that isn’t how He wants it either. Scripture is filled with references to how important it is to live life in the context of close relationships. Love implies that very condition and we are called to love above all else.

I’ve thought a ton about how I got here and why the principles listed above aren’t more true of me and perhaps they will find themselves listed out in another post; however, I want to conclude by telling you that I am on a journey mission crusade to change this.

• I’m going to be sure that the teams I serve not only believe victory is possible, but they have a good sense of how it will be achieved – especially those in the Church.
• I’m going to better prepare my mind and heart with His Word and use it when making decisions and facing the hard things in my life.
• I’m going to more frequently use prayer for wisdom when discerning  the difference between hunkering down and issuing a battle cry.
• I’m going to, in faith, reach out to my friends and figure out a way to move those relationships to the next level. I’m ready to be open and honest and place my heart in their and His hands in the hopes that it will produce a bond that makes a difference in the middle of a firefight.

I’m so convinced that these steps are no longer negotiable that I’m going to dedicate this year to seeing real change in this arena. And now that I’ve made my plans public, you are free to ask me how it’s going. I hope you will from time to time and I also hope you will take a moment to assess where you are and come up with your own action plan to ensure that no man is allowed to take himself out of the fight.

What a time we live in these days – the economic landscape of the world is the worst it’s been since the Great Depression.  We have the most liberal government in power that threatens to turn our great nation into a socialistic mediocracy.  People are choosing anonymous 140 character sound bits over real, face-to-face relationships.  News stories impact our lives only as long as it takes the blogosphere to write the next 3 paragraphs.  And I find myself stuck in an existance that is flying by at the color of vanilla.

Oh there are bright spots of color – like getting to swim with my 3 yr old boy in the lake for the very first time and seeing my 10 mo old pull herself up for the first time and watch my wife develop into the most wonderful mom on the planet.  But for the most part, I wonder what God has for me – why does he keep me here on this planet, in this time, in this job, in this _____? No answers yet, but I know there has to be something more.  Until I get the “word” – I’m striving to stay relevant – to my family, in my job, at my church, in my community.

Relevance is the key to being given the chance to make a difference. If you aren’t considered relevant, then why would anyone listen, act or be moved by what you say or do? And the same can be said for organizations – especially and most significantly churches.  The moment a church loses touch with the culture around them is the moment their influence diminishes.  When that happens, because it is usually a slow boil, the way back to relevance is cloudy at best, if it can be seen at all.

It is, therefore, better to spend some time each day connecting with the world – seeing what they see, feel what they feel and be interested in what interests them. This has traditionally been hard for church staffs to do as they are neck-deep in running, planning and managing the various ministries of the church.

Very rarely would the majority of the staff even have the opportunity to interact with the world during the work day, which is consequently when the culture is most active. That’s no excuse though…for them or for us. As technology progresses and access to integrated tools becomes more prevalent, the excuses become less and less…well, relevant. I challenge you to stay connected to your world; to lift your head up and take notice of those around you; to ask the question, “Am I relevant to anyone? Do I make a difference?” and then do something to improve your scores.

Live there for a bit to gain some experience and then help someone else to do it. Talk to your church staff and encourage them to do what you’ve been doing. Here are some tools that I use daily:

• Facebook | Get on and connect with your friends and then check it a few times a week. You’ll discover both people and information about those people that you didn’t know and can talk about over the next cup of coffee.
• Twitter | It might shock you to know what can be said and shared in 140 characters or less. This tool allows you to share what you’re doing RIGHT NOW and then see what others are doing – whether it is experiencing a moving sermon or the shoe sale you stumbled on in your favorite boutique.
• WordPress or Blogger | Blogging has been around for a good bit and is nothing more than a way to share what’s on your mind and invite discussion. Don’t look now, but your on a blog right now These tools are free and easy to get started with and can provide a great way to share pictures or stories with friends and family that can be more accessible than e-mail.
• Tweetdeck | This tool allows you to send Tweets (Twitter messages) and update your Facebook status from one application – very handy. Also works on most mobile phone platforms.

Marriage. Ask ten people to define that term and you’ll most likely get ten different answers.  That’s because we have all experienced marriage in very different ways.  I’ll even go so far as to say that how we experienced marriage as a child (via our parents) has more influence in our lives than even a present-day marriage.  Whether it be negative or positive, the marriage relationship is the most influential relationship in our lives.

In addition, I’m convinced that failed marriages DO NOT predestine future generations of failed marriages. As we all know, there’s a choice to make lemonade from the lemons in life and that choice certainly holds true about how you approach marriage. One such choice that has served me and my wife well is the value of getting away – just the two of us.  In the pre-kid days, this happened all the time.  We would sometimes just get in the car and go for “a drive” where we’d pick a direction and explore – at times riding around for hours. These days, it looks like date-nights sprinkled throughout the months.

Recently, we felt like a few hours a night every month wasn’t enough time to ensure that the primary relationship in our family is running at maximum efficiency.  That led to a very intentional set of plans to get away for several days – just the two of us without kids. Please note – we LOVE our kids. We think they are the cat’s meow and couldn’t feel more blessed by those gracious gifts from our Heavenly Father. Having said that, there is a very real need that we’ve neglected too long to relax; to stand down from Red Alert; to focus on each other without interruption.

My wife set the whole thing up – she got two sets of sitters to agree on dates; I didn’t screw up the vacation request at work.  She packed the kid’s stuff with military precision; I loaded it into the car. She found it hard to say “goodbye” on day one; I found it hard to wait for her to say “goodbye.”

Then it hit us both and a collective sigh of relief escaped as we literally felt our brains and bodies start to unwind. The weight of parenthood had temporarily been transferred to very capable hands and we were free to act like we were newlyweds – and act we did.  Our first stop – brunch at iHop and then four days and three nights of relaxed nothingness.

At the end of our time away, I started to realize something – this wasn’t a luxury only to be enjoyed once every few years like a trip to Disney World, but rather a necessary, a critical part of our marriage that must occur much more often. We are renewed, fulfilled and the spring in our step has returned and I’m convinced that our children need this just as much as we do.

Children need parents that are able to give 110% every single minute – shaping character is hard work and requires a ton of effort that draws from a finite power source. Taking the time to recharge is just what the doctor ordered and we have given ourselves permission to write a prescription that never expires.

When was the last time you took your spouse away for a few days?  If it’s been more than six months, you’re due and it’s time. Do each other and your children a favor and plan it this week – whatever the cost, you will not regret it. While you’re away – be sure to relax…after all, it’s just your marriage at stake.

I’d guess that more books have been written about leadership than almost any topic (if not, close), which shows just how important leadership is to our society. I have regular time with a few friends where we talk about leadership – expressed in different contexts, but leadership is the core of the discussion. I’ve been a leader (involved in leadership roles) since high school where I served as our National Honor Society’s President my senior year.

When I look back at that experience and compare it to the roles I’m engaged in today, a vast difference is readily evident, but a few similarities exist as well. Back then, it had some to do with status (yes I know it was a club for nerds), but I distinctly remember implementing a new way to conduct our meetings. I desired to increase the effectiveness of our time together and therefore organized our people into comities with an officer giving oversight to each. It was new, fresh, risky…and it worked and I felt really good about the gamble paying off.

That illustrates a trait common to many books on leadership: high tolerance for risk. This trait is important; however, it is WAY down on the list in my estimation today. So, what is the list, you may ask. I’d like to take several posts to look at a few of them, but start here with something that will help put them all into perspective.

Andy Stanley has been a teacher via podcasts and recorded Catalyst messages. The one thing that he stresses is that leadership is given by God and is therefore temporary. “Leadership is a stewardship. It is temporary and I’m accountable. The sovereign God is the ruler of all the kingdoms of men. He gives them to who He wishes.” He states that if that one single thought were to settle into our hearts, our leadership would be different. Why is that? No…really, I’m asking – post your thoughts on this whether you agree or disagree.

Over the past several months, God is showing me the difference between “being first” vs. “doing first”. Specifically, I’m talking in a spiritual context and the motivation or heart behind my activities. To illustrate what I’m talking about, I’m going to use Jesus as an example. I’m starting to see Jesus (the person) in a different way. He has been described on a regular basis as a revolutionary and I disagree. Sure, he was proposing a different way of thinking, but it wasn’t anything new. In fact, Jesus was calling people back to what was intended all along, so in that sense, He can be best described as a traditionalist.

The Old Testament is filled with rules (also called laws) that were intended, in my opinion, not so much to set some “safe” boundaries for God’s people, but to shape a lifestyle that was different enough for the world to take notice and therefore, create opportunities for the Jews to point to their God as the One True God. The motivation behind following the Law needed to be out of a love for God, but it got morphed over time for some to blind obedience. Jesus said that He was on earth to fulfill the Law and show first-hand what it looked like to BE first rather than DO first.

If you look at how Jesus interacted with the Pharisees (the most schooled people on God’s Law), you’ll notice an intense examination of their heart – the motivation behind the rituals performed. He continually chastised them for not only following a ritual with impure motivations, but also for propagating that mentality on to the rest of the Jewish community. Jesus wasn’t talking about a new Christianity, he was reminding them of the way it should have been all along. Abraham was saved, not by his relentless following of the Law, but by his faith in God and His promises of salvation. His obedience to the Law flowed out of his love for his God. In essence, Abraham loved God first and that love was the motivation for his actions.

So, that brings me to today and a close examination of my own heart and those that God has given me watch over. I believe He has always called us to focus on our heart; spending the majority of our time examining our character, developing a reputation of integrity and a genuine love for others. In short, it is the inside of a man is what proves to power long-term motivation that brings God pleasure. It is out of that mature heart that action is given influence.

The struggle is against a culture that readily produces activities that we are supposed to “do” in order to grow in our faith. Sure, there are things that we can learn by doing that make a difference in our heart and then there are other activities that we do out of a sense of guilt. It is the latter that I believe Jesus was asking us to reject or at least scrutinize.

To sum up, I’m starting to “do” things that develop who I am first and allowing that maturity to overflow into how I serve – always examining my motivation and learning from the “poor choices” I make along the way.  Thoughts?