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Into the Fire

January 21, 2010 in Leadership, Life, Love, parenting with 1 Comment

Priincipal's OfficeI had a chance to speak some new truth into my son the other night. About an hour after he went to bed, he woke up crying and I went to see him. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he didn’t like “those boys at school pulling on my shirt.” I knew what he was talking about because it coincided with other events of that day that resulted in a trip to the “principal,” but that’s not the story.

He was mad – the kind of mad that makes you cry and hit and scream…all at the same time. In that state, he told me he wasn’t “going back to that school – NEVER!” and continued to sob. I snatched him up and tried my best to console him. This is the first time that I felt like he was being picked on by other kids. It obviously made him mad and it certainly made me mad. It’s my boy they’re jerking around, and what’s worse, it has caused him to be afraid.

Fear is tricky and very powerful. Even more so in the mind of a 4yr old. So I did what any other dad would do, I told him that I had his back and that Manatt boys don’t run away from our problems, we use our head and our heart to overcome it. Low and behold, it seemed to work. Cool – that was just a shot in the dark. It was true, but I didn’t expect that to actually assuage his fears.

This taught me two things:

  1. My son looks up to me and believes that I can help him
  2. This parenting thing is starting to click for me…a little…ever so slightly

Today was the day he went back to school (only half days, one day a week) and it went great. My wife was able to talk to his teachers and share our concerns about an apparent breakdown in supervision and asked for a higher degree of sensitivity for the way the kids “played” with one another. How about some kudos for the wife – she’s getting that parenting thing down too!

All kidding aside, this showed me how important my job is to help prepare my kids to handle situations that scare them and to remind them that mommy and daddy have their backs. I sure am glad that God has my back!

My “normal” kids

November 8, 2009 in adoption, parenting with 0 Comments

Kiddos

What a weekend we’ve had – full and great! Friday evening was pretty routine except that we chose to dine out at the best fast-food restaurant on the planet – Chic-Fil-A. Great food and a great study in marketing if you’re into that like I am, but I digress…

Saturday started off pretty good. A trip to Wally World with the kids while my wife stayed behind to vacuum (kids present doesn’t make for ideal dirt-nabbing conditions). Normally, I like to go to the store, but normally, it is just me and the boy. Add one 14-month old to the mix and you’re all of a sudden trying to play a zone defense in a store that acts like a third opponent. By the end of the 90-minute ordeal, I was just about done and it wasn’t even 10:00am yet!

Sound familiar? Yes? That’s great, but more on that in a minute.

Saturday was also host to one of TWO birthday parties for the boy because trying to cram everyone into one big party at our house would involve a paddy wagon for me and the Mrs. This party was just for family, and the cousins were the main attraction. Before they arrived, we thought it important that the kids take a nap. No problem for the little one – she’s a great sleeper, but the boy fought it the whole way. He was simply too excited to see his cousins and couldn’t wait to run and play like banshees. I’m sure you can relate…right? That’s fantastic!

The party came; presents were ripped open; and grandma’s cake was eaten (mostly just the icing) while I watched with pride. All of this was very normal for a family that has its roots in some very abnormal beginnings. Adoption is anything but normal, but my kids and the relationship we have with them is just like any other and that makes me swell up even more.

God is the great normalizer – taking the absurd and changing it to the amazing and making it feel like it should have been that way all along. I’m grateful to my Father for my family. I couldn’t have designed it any better with a million years time. Oh, we have our encounters with the world where we are reminded of the special DNA of our family, but that only keeps us grounded and ensures that He gets the credit for it all.

Christmas means Hope

October 23, 2009 in Life, parenting with 0 Comments

Christmas is my favorite time of the year for a myriad of reasons: I have some great memories as a child and I love to give and show my love via gifts and the thought that goes behind them. However, the most incredible part of this time of year – this year – is that I get the chance to tell my 4-yr. old son about why we celebrate Christmas.

Sure, he’ll struggle to put some of the concepts together when all he really wants to do is ramp his trucks off the living room ottoman and watch the Thomas video for the 1000th time, but I persist regardless. I’m confident some of it is getting in there and next year more will make it in and every year it will get more and more comprehensible.

For me, this time of year is about hope – actually Hope. There was a time in my life when things looked like they would remain mundane – the days would be “normal” regardless of the activity. At some point in college, I started wondering if this was all there was…was there any hope for anything better – even supernatural?

Growing up in the south, God is talked about as commonly as baseball and apple pie, but this does not make a faith. Did I believe God existed. Sure. Did I believe he was interested in me? Nope. Was He relevant to me day in and day-out? Not in the least. After all, I was in control and managed to keep it between the ditches for all these years – I’m wasn’t sure I NEEDED God.

At some point, I started wondering about eternity. What happened after I died? Who was right about that? Would I come back as a cricket or go to heaven or, worse yet, cease to exist. The only one worth examination seemed to be heaven, so I started asking some questions and found out that, not only is this scenario plausible, it is possible – FOR ME.

There was more! In my research, I discovered that not only could heaven be my destination, but my daily life could have true meaning. A relationship with Jesus Christ promised eternal life starting NOW!!!

Eighteen years later, I still marvel at the wonder of my salvation. The story is absurd from a human perspective – nonetheless, it is true and I believe it to the core. The birth of my Savior put in motion God’s plan to restore hope to humanity. His death and resurrection thirty three years later finalized it.

So, for me, hope was restored during this time of year when Hope was born. Someday, my son will understand the Hope that can be found in this time of year and I pray that it doesn’t take him as long to “get it” as it did me.

Relax, it's just your marriage

July 14, 2009 in Love, parenting with 3 Comments

Marriage. Ask ten people to define that term and you’ll most likely get ten different answers.  That’s because we have all experienced marriage in very different ways.  I’ll even go so far as to say that how we experienced marriage as a child (via our parents) has more influence in our lives than even a present-day marriage.  Whether it be negative or positive, the marriage relationship is the most influential relationship in our lives.

In addition, I’m convinced that failed marriages DO NOT predestine future generations of failed marriages. As we all know, there’s a choice to make lemonade from the lemons in life and that choice certainly holds true about how you approach marriage. One such choice that has served me and my wife well is the value of getting away – just the two of us.  In the pre-kid days, this happened all the time.  We would sometimes just get in the car and go for “a drive” where we’d pick a direction and explore – at times riding around for hours. These days, it looks like date-nights sprinkled throughout the months.

Recently, we felt like a few hours a night every month wasn’t enough time to ensure that the primary relationship in our family is running at maximum efficiency.  That led to a very intentional set of plans to get away for several days – just the two of us without kids. Please note – we LOVE our kids. We think they are the cat’s meow and couldn’t feel more blessed by those gracious gifts from our Heavenly Father. Having said that, there is a very real need that we’ve neglected too long to relax; to stand down from Red Alert; to focus on each other without interruption.

My wife set the whole thing up – she got two sets of sitters to agree on dates; I didn’t screw up the vacation request at work.  She packed the kid’s stuff with military precision; I loaded it into the car. She found it hard to say “goodbye” on day one; I found it hard to wait for her to say “goodbye.”

Then it hit us both and a collective sigh of relief escaped as we literally felt our brains and bodies start to unwind. The weight of parenthood had temporarily been transferred to very capable hands and we were free to act like we were newlyweds – and act we did.  Our first stop – brunch at iHop and then four days and three nights of relaxed nothingness.

At the end of our time away, I started to realize something – this wasn’t a luxury only to be enjoyed once every few years like a trip to Disney World, but rather a necessary, a critical part of our marriage that must occur much more often. We are renewed, fulfilled and the spring in our step has returned and I’m convinced that our children need this just as much as we do.

Children need parents that are able to give 110% every single minute – shaping character is hard work and requires a ton of effort that draws from a finite power source. Taking the time to recharge is just what the doctor ordered and we have given ourselves permission to write a prescription that never expires.

When was the last time you took your spouse away for a few days?  If it’s been more than six months, you’re due and it’s time. Do each other and your children a favor and plan it this week – whatever the cost, you will not regret it. While you’re away – be sure to relax…after all, it’s just your marriage at stake.

Adoptive Father’s Heart

June 18, 2009 in adoption, Leadership, Love, parenting with 1 Comment

Greatest Joy in a Man's LifeTo be a father is the most challenging aspect of life – if done right.  The weight of the responsibility is crushing, overwhelming and incomprehensible should you dwell on it for any length of time.  As for adoptive dads – we asked for it, begged for it, spent a small fortune just for the chance.  So it is with a grateful heart that we accept all that comes with being a dad and on this Father’s Day, let us remember those men that long to give their life away to a child, but simply haven’t been given the “nod.”

For those that get a daily reminder of the dream that has yet to be fulfilled; who are struggling to lead their wives and explain to their friends and family the heartache they feel; who are not giving up and are willing to fight to their last breath for what they KNOW deep down is meant to be – we say hang in there and keep putting one foot in front of the other because it is SO worth it!

Fatherhood:  where the holes and voids inside are filled to overflowing and the dreams are fulfilled beyond imagination – a true resting of the spirit that has been in turmoil for so long.  But let us not rest just because the Wait is over – if anything, we must find new energy to lead, love and serve or families like never before.  We are reminded internally of the valley when we want to complain about dirty diapers because there was a time when we would have given anything for the smell of a dirty diaper to fill that pristinely prepared baby room.

We still dream big, protech proactively, instruct lovingly, encourage boldly, lead courageously and hug incessently.  Our love is fueled by the sacrifices made along the way and nothing will prevent us from giving our all to take advantage of each and every minute.  We stand strong against the gates of hell and the forces that want to steal the joy of fatherhood – too much has been overcome to give in and settle for ordinary.  Passion and zeal are the expressions of the blessing; strength and courage the weapons of choice; and the knowledge of potential greatness is the fuel that will keep us fighting.

We are leaders, mentors, servants, guides and meant to be the solid rock in the lives of our family.  At times, we fail and sputter and even need help getting back up, but we DO get up with renewed determination – asking to be kept in the game because we know our absence is of far greater detriment than anything we do wrong while present.

Fatherhood is a calling and not to be taken lightly.  May we not allow the pull of passivity to be the response when the job gets hard.  It is time for a new generation of fathers to own the future – real men taking responsibility and fighting for their family’s lives.  Success is defined as long-term steadiness and is achieved in the midst of others.

Please take time to encourge (give courage) a father you know – especially those adoptive dads.  Their intentional journey into the valley is nothing short of astounding!  Do you have a dad you want to brag on?

Fatherhood & Dreams "Blow'd Up"

May 28, 2009 in Love, parenting, Worship with 0 Comments

Recently, I was talking with a friend that was in the middle of IVF and was reminded of our journey down that road.  While it didn’t result in any children, I couldn’t help but think about all that did happen in my heart, faith and spiritual maturity during those dark days.  You see, I’ve had a dream of being a father since I was a little boy myself – thinking of how and what I might do differntly when (not if) I got the chance to be a dad.

My bio-dad died when I was four.  He and my mother were separated headed for divorce.  Eventually my mom remarried and my step-dad ended up being daddy during those formative years until he went to work one day and never came home – divorcing my mom via a postal carrier.

All of those events were cataloged and noted and my mind and heart were being changed to ensure that I didn’t ever repeat the ills done to my family by the figure most important in a son’s life.  Fast-forward to my wedding day – a glorious day and one decision that I recall being the most sure of ever.   The starting of a family with my wife was another dream that I had held on to diligently – partly because it provided the basis for children.

Several years into our marriage, we decided it was time to start trying for kids and month after month ended in disappointment.  Finally, we sought medical help to try and diagnose what was happening.  Needless to say, things weren’t working right – in fact, a 0% chance of children naturally was the exact news.

All of these memories flooded back into my mind in a matter of seconds in the conversation with my friend and were almost immediately replaced with the astounding grace and blessings of my two children.  I’m amazed at the feelings I have daily when I get to love on my kids and hear them learn and grow – there aren’t words to express my gratitude to the Father for such a blessed home.

A wife who loves me, is proud of me and respects me as a man/husband/father and then two wonderful children that fill my heart to overflowing.  While the dream I had growing up of being a dad was something I used to deal with the dysfunction in my own family, it wasn’t nearly big enough to have prepared me for the life I’m living.  My wife put it THIS WAY on her blog.

I guess God has a way of blowing us away with Himself.  When looking at it from the perspective of an earthly dad wanting the world for his kids, how much more does our Heavenly Father want us to experience His dreams for us.  One thing for sure – He has “Blow’d Up” my dreams for sure!  Want proof – head over to my wife’s blog – http://aimingarrows.wordpress.com – to see what I’m talking about.

How has God “Blow’d Up” your dreams?

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