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My “normal” kids

November 8, 2009 in adoption, parenting with 0 Comments

Kiddos

What a weekend we’ve had – full and great! Friday evening was pretty routine except that we chose to dine out at the best fast-food restaurant on the planet – Chic-Fil-A. Great food and a great study in marketing if you’re into that like I am, but I digress…

Saturday started off pretty good. A trip to Wally World with the kids while my wife stayed behind to vacuum (kids present doesn’t make for ideal dirt-nabbing conditions). Normally, I like to go to the store, but normally, it is just me and the boy. Add one 14-month old to the mix and you’re all of a sudden trying to play a zone defense in a store that acts like a third opponent. By the end of the 90-minute ordeal, I was just about done and it wasn’t even 10:00am yet!

Sound familiar? Yes? That’s great, but more on that in a minute.

Saturday was also host to one of TWO birthday parties for the boy because trying to cram everyone into one big party at our house would involve a paddy wagon for me and the Mrs. This party was just for family, and the cousins were the main attraction. Before they arrived, we thought it important that the kids take a nap. No problem for the little one – she’s a great sleeper, but the boy fought it the whole way. He was simply too excited to see his cousins and couldn’t wait to run and play like banshees. I’m sure you can relate…right? That’s fantastic!

The party came; presents were ripped open; and grandma’s cake was eaten (mostly just the icing) while I watched with pride. All of this was very normal for a family that has its roots in some very abnormal beginnings. Adoption is anything but normal, but my kids and the relationship we have with them is just like any other and that makes me swell up even more.

God is the great normalizer – taking the absurd and changing it to the amazing and making it feel like it should have been that way all along. I’m grateful to my Father for my family. I couldn’t have designed it any better with a million years time. Oh, we have our encounters with the world where we are reminded of the special DNA of our family, but that only keeps us grounded and ensures that He gets the credit for it all.

Gotcha Day & Big Brother Day

September 16, 2009 in adoption with 0 Comments

Before getting started, my wife has written a blog post on http://aimingarrows.wordpress.com on this same topic – be sure to check it out. I haven’t read it yet and wanted to write my own post without influence from her thoughts.

Some friends of ours told about a day of celebration they did with their adopted daughter and son called “gotcha day and big brother day” that represents the day they received their daughter and their son became a big brother. I thought that was an incredible idea and we’ve decided to make it a part of our yearly celebration schedule as well.

September 16th represents the day we got the call from Bethany about our daughter’s existence. She was 13 days old and the risk of the birth parents changing their minds had passed – no take backs this time! Today, one year ago, our life changed forever. I now had a daughter. A black daughter. Both things I have no experience with as I grew up with a brother. And our son had a sister and his journey as a big brother started and from day one, he’s cherished his little sister.

So, today we celebrate God’s goodness to us – a gracious and merciful outpouring of His love to his hurting children (Heidi and I). We celebrate the end of a long trek through the valley of longing for a second child and sing about the mountaintop that God has once again given us the privileged of experiencing. Our family is a miracle and not a day goes by that we aren’t reminded of this fact.

Adoption is a weird deal – as you’ve no doubt gathered if you’ve read any of the adoption posts on this blog and it’s the little things that make the biggest impact. My wife is the best about making sure these things are captured in print and photo. She thinks about such things all the time and I’m so thankful for her heart.

With a humble heart, I ask you to help us celebrate our family on this very special day. Thank you all for your support and love – we’ve felt it all and it has been good.

Adoptive Father’s Heart

June 18, 2009 in adoption, Leadership, Love, parenting with 1 Comment

Greatest Joy in a Man's LifeTo be a father is the most challenging aspect of life – if done right.  The weight of the responsibility is crushing, overwhelming and incomprehensible should you dwell on it for any length of time.  As for adoptive dads – we asked for it, begged for it, spent a small fortune just for the chance.  So it is with a grateful heart that we accept all that comes with being a dad and on this Father’s Day, let us remember those men that long to give their life away to a child, but simply haven’t been given the “nod.”

For those that get a daily reminder of the dream that has yet to be fulfilled; who are struggling to lead their wives and explain to their friends and family the heartache they feel; who are not giving up and are willing to fight to their last breath for what they KNOW deep down is meant to be – we say hang in there and keep putting one foot in front of the other because it is SO worth it!

Fatherhood:  where the holes and voids inside are filled to overflowing and the dreams are fulfilled beyond imagination – a true resting of the spirit that has been in turmoil for so long.  But let us not rest just because the Wait is over – if anything, we must find new energy to lead, love and serve or families like never before.  We are reminded internally of the valley when we want to complain about dirty diapers because there was a time when we would have given anything for the smell of a dirty diaper to fill that pristinely prepared baby room.

We still dream big, protech proactively, instruct lovingly, encourage boldly, lead courageously and hug incessently.  Our love is fueled by the sacrifices made along the way and nothing will prevent us from giving our all to take advantage of each and every minute.  We stand strong against the gates of hell and the forces that want to steal the joy of fatherhood – too much has been overcome to give in and settle for ordinary.  Passion and zeal are the expressions of the blessing; strength and courage the weapons of choice; and the knowledge of potential greatness is the fuel that will keep us fighting.

We are leaders, mentors, servants, guides and meant to be the solid rock in the lives of our family.  At times, we fail and sputter and even need help getting back up, but we DO get up with renewed determination – asking to be kept in the game because we know our absence is of far greater detriment than anything we do wrong while present.

Fatherhood is a calling and not to be taken lightly.  May we not allow the pull of passivity to be the response when the job gets hard.  It is time for a new generation of fathers to own the future – real men taking responsibility and fighting for their family’s lives.  Success is defined as long-term steadiness and is achieved in the midst of others.

Please take time to encourge (give courage) a father you know – especially those adoptive dads.  Their intentional journey into the valley is nothing short of astounding!  Do you have a dad you want to brag on?

It's harder when you're old…

October 15, 2008 in adoption, parenting with 2 Comments

Taking care of babies is a young man’s sport and I’ve never felt older.  I’m not sure what changes I thought this baby would bring to our home life, but exhaustian, frustration and selfishness weren’t anywhere on the list.  Don’t hear me wrong, Graceanna has brought a bunch of other things too – good things like life, newness, joy and gratefulness just to name a few, but caring for a newborn is hard.

Because we adopt our children, we get to “share” the effort of feedings throughout the night.  We’ve tried several permutations of how this works – from one night on and next night off to “you take first shift and I’ll take next”…alternating style, which is what we’re using today.  The good news is that the baby is healthy and eating well, which lessens the craziness that could be.

Another challenge I didn’t fully know to anticipate is moving from a zone to man coverage.  Our older child is a great young boy, but boy nevertheless.  He loves his cars and riding bikes and running, climbing and jumping.  Sitting still and playing quietly in the corner aren’t part of his nature, which I’m glad for on the one hand because I like boys to act like boys – it gets a bit much to handle when you are at the very end of your capacity to string two sentences together, much less engage a 3-yr old in the way he needs.

But, by God’s grace and our own self-preservation instincts, we’ll make it through.  Brighter days are ahead – at least they better be.  For now, we’re in survival mode and survive we will.

New Manatt – whole new ball game

September 20, 2008 in adoption with 0 Comments

As I sit reflecting over the past few days, I’m compelled to admit that I’m still not quite sure I’ve unpacked all that has occurred.  You see, on Tuesday, September 16 – I became the father of a African American baby girl through the anguish of adoption.  In the span of 15 seconds, my world changed forever and in ways that I’ve only begun to grasp.

Being an adoptive parent is a unique challenge – dreams have died and unforeseen valleys traversed, yet in the end, being a father has filled more holes in my heart and soul than I knew existed.

Adding to the mix new is being the parent of a girl (our first is a boy) and on top of that – the head of a multi-racial family.  The responsibility is crushing and the doubts mounting.  I’ve found myself praying for God’s wisdom, strength and courage more in the past few days than ever; relying on what I know of His character to instill peace.

What’s stranger yet is the love I’m developing for this beautiful little girl.  I find myself dreaming about her future and getting excited about being a part of it – and I didn’t even know she existed a week ago.

The roads ahead offer many challenges for our family, some we’ll be prepared for and others we won’t and it is the latter that sober me.  It is in those times that you get a glimpse into your own mettle – sometimes to discover a weak, cowardly, small man staring back.

In the end, I look at Graceanna Catherine Manatt as the most wonderful gift from God and know that standing behind that small man is a great God that can be counted on to watch over her…and me.

To those “valley-goers” of our family – I reserve a special place in my heart for you all.  Without your love and support, I’m not sure where we’d be – I’m confident though that it wouldn’t be here.

So, without further ado – let me introduce you to Graceanna Catherine.

Adoption is greater than the universe…wow!

March 20, 2008 in adoption with 1 Comment

Just saw this video and couldn’t believe how powerfully Piper was able to link earthly adoption to God’s Grace. Check it out:

Tell me what you think.